I Bid Thee Farewell!

I cannot believe I started this blog back in 2005. That is outrageous.

This blog started as a place where I could tell stories about my dating life and vent about how awful and/or fun and/or unintentionally hilarious dating could be. Now almost 4 years later, it has deteriorated into a place where I write about my Sims' obsession and post pictures of my dog. For me, personally, this is fantastic because it means I've found a guy that I really want to be with, and who seems to want to be with me too! VICTORY!

On the flip side, I don't have all the ridiculous 1st date stories to tell anymore (I think Paco would frown upon me going on first dates these days). While I have loved blogging, and loved meeting all the amazing people I've met through blogging, I think it's time to say goodbye to Miss Minneapolis. Thank you to everyone who has read the nonsense I write - I really appreciate it!

Just so I don't leave you totally empty handed, I want to leave you with 3 things. First, look at these pictures of my parents' new Boston Terrier puppy, Betsy. Isn't she adorable?
Okay, plus one more of Otis because I don't want him reading this and feeling left out:

Second, here's a list of some of my favorite blogs - go check them out to waste your work day away instead!

• Hobocamp - I know I've mentioned this blog quite a few times before, but it is hilarious. I have had the pleasure of meeting the author, Meg, on a number of occasions, and she is funny and delightful in person as well as online.
• The Vegetable Assassin - This one is newer, and written by a Canadian. Give it a chance anyway, it's pretty funny, and not all about vegetables.
• Hollywood Sucker - Her recaps of The Hills are hilarious, and I don't even watch The Hills.
• Peter DeWolf - Sometimes funny, sometimes serious, but always Canadian and inappropriate.
• Your Beard is Good - "A blog illiterates can read".
  
• Sanctuary Tails - A blog from Farm Sanctuary.
• Peaceful Prairie Blog - Another farm animal sanctuary blog.
  

Lastly, here is a short list of some of my favorite posts I've written here - a trip down memory lane, if you will:

• Finding My True Calling: Benevolent Dictator
• The Things We Do For Love - the one where I put Otis in a buggy behind my bike
• The One Where I'm on Vicodin - because crippling headaches CAN be funny
• Emotional Stability: All It's Cracked Up to Be?
• Maybe Mr. Ski Mask Isn't So Bad? - the one where I wonder what I'm doing with online dating
• Match.com Profiles: My Friendly Advice for Men
  

Adios! (That means "goodbye" in Spanish).

Otis is Controlling My Life

I have never met a dog who's as stubborn as Otis. He's generally a very well behaved little guy, but when he wants something he will stop at nothing to get it. This means that he will hump the same dog at the dog park for a really, really long time, even if s/he is running away from him and clearly getting angry. It also means that when we are on walks, if he knows we have turned the corner to go back to the house, he will plop down on the grass and show me his belly in an effort to prolong the walk by distracting me with what he clearly sees as a serious temptation for me: giving him a belly rub. He will lay there for what seems like HOURS. Eventually I just pick him up and carry him home, which looks pretty awesome if you're someone driving by ("I don't think that's what they mean when they say you should walk your dog").

In the mornings, I am usually in a pretty big hurry to get out the door, so Otis doesn't get a walk - the poor, tortured soul just has to come outside with me to the side of my condo complex and do his business. This has been our arrangement for 2 years; I thought it was going well. For the most part, he's still exhausted and just wants to run back upstairs to go get a few more hours of sleep. But 2 weeks ago, things changed. He decided that going potty on the side of the complex wasn't good enough for him. No! He needs to go BEHIND the complex where the grass is apparently much better for pooping on. With my tiny human brain, I cannot possibly comprehend this, but it must be true, because if I try to get him to go in his regular spot, he will stand there looking toward the back of the complex longingly, the leash as taut as he can get it. While I consider myself to be quite willful (just ask Paco!), I am nothing compared to Otis when it comes to a battle of wills. Inevitably I give up and take him where he wants to go. Then he does his business and trots back inside, back upstairs to bed.

I don't understand. The back of the complex is only another 30 steps away - he's not exactly getting a "walk" by doing this. What's wrong with the side of the complex?? It doesn't make any sense, and yet now I am trained to go to the back of the house. I HAVE BEEN TRAINED BY MY DOG.

I know this isn't such a huge deal....but it's the principle of the matter! And it's illustrative of the larger relationship we have: he whines or cries or somehow insists on a certain treat/walk/poop spot, and I give in - every time.

Another thing he does is that if we've gone on a trip somewhere (to the dog park or something), when we return to the house, he refuses to exit the car. He will stay right where he is, thankyouvermuch. Paco saw this for the first time not long ago. We pull up, I get out and walk around to the passenger side to pick him up and take him inside. Paco stops me, asking why I would carry him in. "Because he doesn't come in if I don't, and it's too hot out to leave him in here." In disbelief, Paco tells me to leave the car door open, "I'll wait for him to come out, he won't stay there for long if he doesn't see us out here." "Okay," I say.

Roughly 20 minutes later, Paco walks in carrying Otis. "You're right, he just stayed there and I got tired of waiting."

I'm telling myself I'll be better with children, who I will actually have to raise to be productive members of society who don't need to be carried around when they're 20 years old, but who really knows? Maybe my kids will be as manipulative as my dog? Although I'm not sure that's possible, honestly.

Your Shitty Chardonnay

A few weekends ago, a group of friends and I went to this cool little bar called The Bradstreet Craftshouse located in the Graves Hotel. I've been there a few times and always enjoyed it. The atmosphere in the back room is cozy and modern, and the mixed drinks are delightful. They are pretty proud of those specialty mixed drinks, and to show you how proud they are, they take their sweet time making them. Most of the time I go there, I get some sort of vodka beverage, but after 2 of those on this particular night, I decided it was time to switch to wine. The great thing about this place is that you can get a decent glass of wine for only $3, which is kind of odd for such a classy place, but I'm not complaining. I'm trying to be frugal these days because somebody told me the economy isn't doing so hot. Plus, the cheap wine is good! I think they just do it because not many people opt for wine given that the mixed drinks are kind of the whole reason for going there, you know?

Anyhoo, our waiter returns to take our drink refill order, and I say "Could I get a glass of the Whatever-Brand-It-Was chardonnay?". And do you know what that turd said back to me?

"I suppose....if you really want to."

There was no sarcasm, no "har har har I'm so silly!" - just straight up snobbery. So I said, "well, is there something else you'd recommend?" thinking he'd tell me I needed a $15 glass instead and then I would smack him.

"...no, I just like red wine."

Ohhh, okay, that was helpful! "Well then bring me the glass I ordered."

The whole table was like "WTF was THAT?"

But it gets worse. When he returns, he happily hands others their fancy-pants mixed cocktails. Then he turns to me, hands me my cheap (and probably spit in!) chardonnay, and just says "here's your chardonnay".

Um, okay... I guess I really offended this dude with my order. I had no idea chardonnay was so offensive!

As he walked off, my friend Lauren did a great impression of him: "HERE'S YOUR SHITTY CHARDONNAY", and we all cracked up, because we are nothing if not mature.

I think from now on that's all I'm ordering there, just to be a jerk. I mean, what kind of waiter makes you feel BAD about your order? It's not like I asked for a Miller Light or something, for crying out loud. Then he'd be justified in being rude, you know? Totally.

SimsSimsSims: I Has a Problem

I'm sorry I've been absent. I should be reporting that I've been in Sims rehab, but unfortunately, that is not the case at all. My addiction has only worsened, and I fear that I still haven't reached rock bottom. Don't get me wrong: I have still been doing fun things that don't involve computers. For example, Paco and I went to a fashion show, which was pretty ridiculous overall, and ignited in him a secret desire to own electric blue skinny jeans. (I do not support this.) I have also been biking my booty off, since I'm signed up to ride 300 miles across Minnesota at the end of July - god help me, what was I thinking??

That said, in my down time, I've been playing Sims. Paco is even sort of on board with this addiction now, because he sees that it reduces my stress level (which has been pretty high as of late).

Anyway, because I have nothing else to tell you, here's a Sims update. Oh, and FYI, I've abandoned the Paco/MissMpls Sim family because Sims Social Services took all the fun out of it for me. Plus, we're old now. So I've got all these new Sims and I hop between families!

First of all, I created a fat Scottish guy...he is ridiculous looking and I love him! Because I am shallow, almost all of my other Sims are very attractive looking. But then I thought "well that's not very realistic", so I decided to make Hank, the Scottish red-head who wants "woohoo" (lovin') all the time! Anyway, he lives with this guy, Jeremiah, who is very attractive, and this girl Cordelia, who is easily the best looking person in the neighborhood (I downloaded her from a site where they make goddess-looking Sims - I'm a nerd). Cordelia, it turns out, is a WEIRDO. I made her first, and while she was waiting for her roommates to be made, she was standing there talking to herself, and using her hands like mouths talking to each other. Total whack-job, which I didn't even try for, but I am quite happy about! Their last name is Krazy because she is so freakin' weird. The only bad part is that she doesn't listen to any of my commands. (For example, when their kitchen started on fire, she just looked at it and screamed - she wouldn't help Jeremiah try to put it out, and she wouldn't call the Fire Dept!)

So last night when I went to walk Otis, I thought it would be fun to let this Sim family run their own lives so I could see what would happen in my absence. WELL, that backfired! HANK DIED. This was before I even really got to play much with him. I come back and Cordelia is trying to get to the toilet, but Hank's urn is in the way and she's looking all annoyed and then talking to herself some more and pointing at the urn like "GOD THIS IS ANNOYING" (so insensitive considering her roommate just died). Well, of course I couldn't save because I didn't even get to PLAY with Hank, and how the hell did he die in the bathroom anyway???? I mean, HOW DID THAT HAPPEN? So I exited, and didn't save and then played with them a little bit (I got Hank hitting on all the ladies who were having none of him, but then had him hit on Jeremiah, who was rather enjoying his advances, so maybe they are gay?).

Then I switched back to another family I created last week. Marisa and Dante started with twins, and then adopted the kid that PacoSim & I got taken away from us initially. Then finally Marisa got pregnant (Dante continually shut her down when she tried to make woohoo with him), and then when she was ready to pop, Dante DIED. The Grim Reaper came and turned him into ashes. Only moments later, one of Marisa's desires was "fall in love"-- apparently it doesn't take long to get over your husband in Sims? Well, I had to go create a single guy for Marisa, and I came up with George. George is also very attractive, but actually looks a little feminine - woops! Anyway, he and Marisa have been getting along quite nicely, and last night they were kissing on the porch and she was charming him and then she proposed that he spend the night, which apparently offended his delicate sensibilities because he looked appalled and took off. So they are still interested in each other, but are definitely NOT best friends.

Also, Marisa's teenage boy, Shawn, has a wish to "see the ghost of Dante" (his dead dad), which I think is a little creepy. He is upset because he has no social life - wah wah wah, get OVER IT, Shawn---I'm trying to get you a new dad!

As you can see, this is a lot of work, and takes a serious time commitment on my part. I think you can see now why I haven't been blogging much, and I'm almost positive you'll forgive me given the seriousness of my current situation. Yes?

I Got Kissed By a Girl and I Didn't Like It

I apologize for not telling you guys this story sooner, but frankly it was a little traumatizing and I needed some time to process it. Also I've been busy.

SO. A couple weekends ago, my friend Lengli came to visit me from NYC. She is a delight, not to mention an avid photographer and skilled chop-sticks thief. We started that Friday night out by grabbing dinner at my favorite restaurant (French Meadow--check it out and get the tempeh cutlet!) with my friend Becky. Then the three of us met up with some menfolk, including Paco, at the Bradstreet Craftshouse at the Graves Hotel (I have a story about that too - coming soon to this blog near you!). We then took things up a notch and went to Seven's rooftop bar, where we all proceeded to drink entirely too much, and where we met this girl Carmen. Or Erin. She gave us different names at different points in the night, so I'm pretty unclear what her real name is. I'll call her CarmenErin. Anyway, she spent much of the time there hitting on one of Paco's friends quite aggressively, but really getting nowhere.

Fast forward to our last stop: the Saloon. Now, the Saloon is a gay bar in downtown and the 3 times I've been there, I have always been positively shit-canned. That night was really no different. So there I am chatting with my friends Jason & Lengli when all of a sudden I look over and see some girl's hands all over MY BOYFRIEND. "OH NO YOU DI'INT! It is ON!", I'm thinking, as I march over to the offender. Guess who it was! CarmenErin. Surprise, huh? Well, if I thought I was shit-canned, then CarmenErin was damn near dead she was so drunk. I asked her if she was hitting on my boyfriend, and she was like "no, honey, I know he's yours, I saw you guys together at Seven. And he says you're hot." Regardless, I told her to keep her hands to herself.....and apparently this turned her on? I have no idea what happened, but not long after this, CarmenErin was trying to kiss me. When I say "trying to kiss me", I mean she had my head between her hands in a vice-grip and kept putting her mouth up to my mouth. Meanwhile, Paco took pictures, which I think is probably totally appropriate (???). So now I have pictures of me trying to NOT get kissed by a crazy girl in a bar - I can't wait to show my grandchildren some day! They are kind of hilarious, but still. What a weird night. Even stranger is that she kept saying to me, "honey, I like BOYS, now just KISS ME." Contradiction? I think so.

First Date Anniversary

One year ago today was my first date with Paco. I can't believe it's been a year already! We're sort of celebrating it as an anniversary mostly because I insist on doing so. In my mind, he was my boyfriend pretty much immediately, but I guess both people should technically agree on that type of thing....so technically August 1st is our "real" anniversary and we'll celebrate that then. But today is important too! I mean, without June 10th happening, we never would have made it to the August 1st mark when he officially asked me to "go steady", as the kids (from the 1950s) say. So, um, obviously June 10th is important and should be celebrated. I'm excited!

Also, I have so much more to report on - like how a girl wouldn't stop trying to kiss me the other night when we were out on the town. AWKWARD. There's more to the story and I will surely tell you about it soon, but in the meantime, my Sims are calling for me.

As I'm sure you're dying for a quick update, here's what's been going on in the Sims: Sadly, Paco Sim and MissMpls Sim had their two youngest sons taken away from them by Social Services....something about "neglect" (whatever). So yeah, we only have custody of 1 out of the 4 children we originally had. The game is not going well. On the upside, the one we do have left is now a teenager, and I went and created some teenage girls for him because he wanted a girlfriend, and he is now dating a very nice girl, Betty. He is pretty happy. So maybe 1 out of 4 ain't bad? (Yeah, it's bad, I know).

Family: Ya Gotta Love 'Em

Over Memorial Day weekend, Paco and I went up to my parents' farm. It was Paco's first time there, and not only did a family friend introduce him to someone as my "new fiance" (as if I had an old fiance?), but my grandfather also told him he ought to hurry up and seal the deal with me, because he'd like to go to another wedding. No pressure!

Said grandfather also told me, "you know what I've been surprised about? When you went vegetarian, I thought for sure you'd just waste away to nothing - skin & bones! But you haven't lost a pound!"

Thanks?

I think he did mean it as a compliment, but come on!

Anyhoo, Paco got to see my K-12 school and was shocked at how incredibly small it was. He said I didn't do a very good job of explaining how small it would be. I thought saying I graduated with 9 other kids would kind of get that message across, but apparently not?

A post about the farm wouldn't be complete without a couple of doggy pictures, so here you go:

Charlie looking sneaky:

Ellie out on the open road:

Otis running through the fields and ditches:

Otis is a happy little monkey on the farm:

Charlie found something delicious to roll in and rolled around for quite some time, each time rolling down the hill, then climbing back up to do it again. Pretty hilarious:

And a close up of Ellie - have you ever seen such a cute freakin' dog?!?!